as quite as it seems

i didn't realize it's 10 minutes past midnight until i finally decided to check the time. i can't sleep. things in my mind are so alive like ants crawling everywhere. what is going on with my life? i've been repeating this question to myself like a mantra since last week. my life shouldn't be this complicated because it only revolves around work and Jacob. but i've been out of work since last month and i'm starting to worry now that i haven't got a job yet after having exhausted all the possibilities i know (uhm, truth is, i'm only looking for a job in the food industry but food companies don't seem to like me. but i'm hoping. because i'm looking for something i will really enjoy and as i assessed myself, i will do good in the food business!) as for Jacob, we are moving in to an apartment and i'm anxious about it. i don't like the history of the place. but Jacob has already paid for the rent and there is nothing else we can do. :-(

worries keep milling to my head. i can't stop wondering why things happen the way they have to be. or i'm just careless with my decisions? sigh. i hate the fact that i'm stupid.