a can of space

i write because i'm not fine. at the moment, things between me and Jacob are sorts of routine and uncertainties, and i feel sad and low. i'm not likely to suppress it or it will slowly consume me, like a burning candle with a bomb at the base of it.

i say, work is pressing lately, and the desire of finding comfort in Jacob's arms is rather becoming a habit than a sweet wanting, and i feel sore about it, i mean, to pluck it out of its own spontaneity. i don't like this to happen, or now at least, to linger. but how do i stop? i crave for his attention so that every day, i list down all the things he misses out to do for me. even during the night when i'm alone, i could not sleep from evaluating issues about us. he works hard, and much. so much that during the times we are together, he looks exhausted and stressed.

now, we don't spend quality time together, and i find myself refraining from suggesting stuff we could do as i only receive a broken smile or promise. i'm not happy that i'm always the one who adjusts for the sake of his work. he is pouring himself to his career that i can't feel him at all. i'm not happy to be with an empty being. i love him but i admit i'm beginning to get tired of our relationship, and i'm not liking every bit of this.

i say, i only long for a warm, feeling hug to forget the world. not a hug of distress to make me feel sore and drained. i want you back, Ga, the way i have always known you.

i miss you.